


The Nomad and the Widow

by laceprnd



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-04 04:58:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laceprnd/pseuds/laceprnd
Summary: first of all, apologies if there should be any mistakes! english is not my first language, but i do my best.this takes place right after civil war, most information is in the first paragraph.so enjoy! i will most likely continue this, but who knows, it might just remain a one-shot.





	1. i’ll always be

Nat was exhausted. No, more than exhausted and it wasn’t even often that she got anywhere near being exhausted. She had escaped a lot of things in her lifetime, more than you’d think a person should, but this had been the worst of them all.  
It had dawned on her that she just couldn’t keep siding with Tony. Of course she had had her reasons to turn; mainly because of Steve and Bucky’s explanation. She just couldn’t let that happen. It wasn’t her fault nor Steve or Bucky’s that Zemo had been lying all the time. As she had been standing there, in front of Steve, Bucky and T’Challa, not even the slightest trace of doubt could be found in her, but she still didn’t know exactly why she chose to do what she did. She couldn’t pinpoint what gave her the last push.  
That thought, wondering about the reason for her actions was what kept her going as she fled from everything she knew. After Germany, she had agreed to follow the others back to the headquarters, but as she saw her trial getting closer and closer, she had sneaked off in the night while she still could.  
She now found herself in west Ohio, close by the Dayton International Airport. Her bike was running out of fuel when she surprisingly got a text. Her first reaction was to hide as fast as possible. She was pretty much screwed if someone had seen her and turned her in to the government, but as she opened the message, a smile decorated her lips.

Steve: Mills Park Hotel in thirty minutes. Be there.

She didn’t even take time to reply, but just typed the address into the GPS on her phone, and gassed up. It was about fifteen and a half mile from her location, and she really wanted to be there on time. What drove her to react so fast, she didn’t know. She chose to just follow her intentions, and something in her said that she did not want to miss out on this.

He smiled at the receptionist and adjusted the cap that was supposed to do as a vague disguise, before he walked out into the night to wait for Natasha. The air was fresh and cool, it cleared Steve’s mind and after a few deep breaths, he took out his phone to check the time. If Natasha had received his message, and if she was able to be there on time, and if-  
He stopped himself before the calm that finally had taken a little root is his head got suffocated from all the if’s. He just hoped with every inch of his body that she’d be there. He simply couldn’t accept any other outcome. She just had to turn up. Three more minutes, just three more minutes...

He was resting against the wall, when she parked her bike in the lot. From outside it could very well look like he was just a normal guy with a normal life and a normal mind, just breathing in some night-air before returning to his hotel room, but as well as Nat knew him, it was obvious to her that he was in distress.  
As she turned off the engine and pulled out the key, she desperately tried to think of something to say, anything to make him feel better. But as much as she wanted to, nothing popped into her head. She chose to just forget about it, and walked towards the man standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.  
He didn’t turn to her when she walked up to him, she supposed he couldn’t hear her steps coming closer, but she didn’t blame him. He was often long gone in his mind, and this time wasn’t an exception. At least he had a good reason.  
“Steve.”  
Her voice was low and raspy, but he immediately turned his piercing eyes to her, and she could just see how he recognised her, how his mind didn’t automatically go into fight mode as he always did at anyone else but her. Even Tony had gotten that reaction, but never, never her.  
They were only a few feet apart, but Steve still proceeded to run the last steps towards her. His embrace surrounded her, he always felt so good to hug; the few times they had been in each other’s arms.  
This was different, though - every single muscle she could feel around her was hard like the string on a drawn bow. But she could feel him ease up as her hands continued to comfort him; it was like therapy for him and she knew it.  
Her hands slowly crawled up and down his back, stroking him until his shoulders gave a little shake.  
His eyes looked like the ocean when they parted; all she could see was tears. He closed them and let the salty water stream down his cheek and continue until they wetted his shirt.  
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m here, Steve, it’s okay.”  
She continued just talking to him as she wiped away the remaining tears with her thumb.  
When he finally got control of himself again, he looked at her and forced a smile to his lips, but his eyes did not reflect the expressions in his smile. She smiled back though, and carefully gave his face one last stroke before clearing her throat.  
“We should go in.”  
“Uh. Yeah, we should,” he said and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’.

There wasn’t need for much time for them to get settled in the room, considering they only had with them what they could carry. It was almost twelve p.m. though, when they really felt at ease.  
“I’m going to take a shower,” Nat said, getting up from the armchair she had found. Steve just nodded and kept staring into nothing as he rested his head on his hand.

He was already lying on his side of the bed when she came out with one of those big, fluffy hotel towels around her. She quickly pulled on some panties before sliding beneath the bedsheets. He had his back to her, so she moved closer to him under the shared duvet.  
“Talk to me, Steve.”  
He immediately turned around to face her, almost like he had just been waiting for her cue.  
“No, you talk to me. I need you to distract me. Please,” he begged her, as his face betrayed him several times and showed her his pain under the facade.  
She studied his face a little, thinking about what to say. Then she sat up, pulling the duvet with her to cover her chest as she turned on the bedside lamp.  
“Fine. We’ll play truth or dare, then.”  
“I’m in,” he said, also getting up to sit in front of her. “You start.”  
“Okay, truth or dare.”  
“Hmm, truth,” he said.  
She thought a little about a good question as he mumbled something like ‘it’s been decades since I last played this game’, and that gave her the idea.  
“When was the last time you did a dare, and what happened?” She said, already smirking.  
“Well...” He took some time to think about it. “That was in 1937. Some prick dared me to jump in the pool, but I couldn’t swim at the time, and then I got an asthma attack...” He shrugged and she let out a slight chuckle. Such a shame that she didn’t get to experience preserum-Steve. What a sight that would’ve been.  
“Bucky had to pick me up.”  
Nat tried to stop her laughter, and almost succeeded before Steve joined her. “Your turn,” she said between the laughs.  
They carried on with the game, and as the night got longer and longer, the questions took a slow but steady turn towards another topic.  
“Truth or dare.” Steve asked.  
“I’m going to be boring and say truth again.”  
“Okay...” he drew out the word, looking pensive.  
“You can ask literally anything, you know that, right?” she said. “No matter what kind of question you’re thinking about,” she assured him and let out a little laugh again. He chuckled with her and bit down on his lower lip before he spoke again.  
“Fine. Who’s the best looking avenger?”  
She fell forward in laughter, and he couldn’t help but join in again. It was like they were just two 15 year-olds, sitting in a forbidden place, at a forbidden time, playing a forbidden game but having the time of their lives.  
“Seriously?” She said between her laughs.  
“Yeah! Come on.”  
“Okay, umm...” She realised that she couldn’t just tell him the actual answer, not at this time, considering it was him. Of course Thor was good-looking, but Steve was just something else. And the personality also played a huge part for her when it came to that matter-  
She stopped herself from getting lost in her thoughts, and decided to just lie to him.  
“I literally can’t think of anyone-“  
He cut her off. “Oh, come on! You must have thought about it at some point?”  
She just shrugged. “It’s not something that keeps me awake at night, thinking about who of my colleagues are most likely to hit it off.”  
“Oh, we all know that is not true,” he said.  
“Hm? You asked for an answer, that’s the answer I can give you,” she finished.  
“Ugh, you’re a pain in the neck...” he murmured.  
“Hey! I heard that.”  
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” He sarcastically apologised.  
She just sighed and rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile at him.  
She asked him again when he was done laughing.  
“Truth or dare?”  
“Truth.”  
She thought about it. She really wanted to know more about his love life, for some reason she couldn’t find, and she didn’t have to think much about if it was okay to ask those kinds of questions, because she just said it herself: ‘You can ask literally anything, you know that, right?’  
“What thing about women attracts you the most?” She couldn’t help but slightly smirk as the kind of risky question left her mouth.  
To her surprise, he didn’t scoff or laugh at it, but just let his eyes travel over her body, covered in the sheets. She was lying on her side, resting her head on her hand, her other arm followed the curve of her hip, defining it against the white duvet.  
He rose to sit cross-legged against the back of the bed, baring his chest to her sight.  
“Well, I appreciate hips. Long legs, strong thighs...” He moved closer for every word, and they were only inches apart when he spoke again.  
“But also the lips. And a fierce personality.”  
To anyone else, it would sound like he had finished his answer, but Natasha always noticed the slightest hesitation in his voice and expression.  
“What are you not saying?” She pushed, almost out of breath. Stop, Nat, why are you like this? Just fucking breathe, you moron.  
Steve opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but just moved his eyes from hers again and gently, oh so gently, let a hand slide under the sheet till he reached her side. His fingertips left goosebumps as they traveled down; she almost gasped when he reached her waist, she had to close her eyes as it slid over the hip he appreciated so much. The touch was tender, it almost felt like he worshipped her body.  
She got hold of her voice before she asked again.  
“What are you not saying?”  
“I, uhh...“ he tried again, as his fingers steadied just below her hip, and she smirked when it came to her exactly what her next move was.  
She got up, letting the sheet fall, and moved to straddle his lap. His other hand followed the first one and as she let her hands lock behind his neck, his caressingly slid up and down her sides, her back, her shoulders-  
She let herself think clear for just one second, and leaned in to his ear.  
“I know what you want to say.” She took his hand with her own and moved it further down to settle on her bum. His breathing was already hot and heavy, coming out in a ragged rhythm. “You find my ass very, very attractive...” she whispered, ever so slowly before she let her teeth gently but confidently bite his earlobe. It was almost like the poor man collapsed on that comment, and he dropped his head to the space between her neck and shoulder, sighing out before he placed small kisses there while her hands stroked his chest. When the hard muscle beneath her palms trembled at her touch, she felt a rush of power running through her body, and she smirked and bit down on her lower lip. Captain America, trembling under her touch, what a feeling.  
She cupped his face with her hands as he let his lips trail up her neck. It made her shiver; the way he so incredibly gently let them touch her sensitive skin, and God, if that wasn’t the best feeling in the world.  
She leaned a little out, just enough so she could look into his eyes.  
“Truth or dare,” she asked again.  
“Truth.”  
She knew exactly what she wanted to ask him, but it was like the words were stuck in her throat.  
“So, uh...” She couldn’t maintain the eye contact, so she turned to look at her hand, still caressing his chest. “Are you a virgin?”  
He scoffed and she couldn’t help but softly chuckle with him.  
“I think that’s fairly obvious,” he answered.  
“Mhmm,” she just said and nodded, kind of fishing for more.  
“What?” He said immediately as he noticed.  
“Nothing!”  
“Yeah, right,” he sighed and rolled his eyes. “No, Sharon didn’t get to that kind of stuff.” He softly smirked, and the expression gave her some kind of deja vu to that time at Sam’s; they had been talking about trust. A thing they both undeniably had for each other.  
Nat forced her thoughts back to the topic.  
“Oh, so you did something with her!” she said, almost sounding proud.  
“Yeah, but...” he drew out the words as he shrugged a little.  
“I’m guessing she wasn’t really your ‘someone special’?”  
“No. No, not really.”  
“So. What are the requirements for being that one special person?”  
“I guess I want to know her...” he started, but Nat cut him off.  
“Oh, Steve. Knowing people is overrated, sex is not that big of a deal,” she said but she could see at once that he did not agree.  
“Yes it is, Natasha. It means a lot to me. I’m 97, so after waiting that long, it is a pretty big deal. So back to what I was saying; I want to know her. And I want to trust her. I won’t just hit and run, that’s rude.”  
“Rude...” she scoffed. “Well, be glad that you don’t know about my sexual past, then.”  
“Oh really? I guess I’m not surprised...”  
She couldn’t help but laugh at him.  
“So... you know me. Let’s just say pretty well by now.”  
“I do.” He nodded.  
“And you trust me.”  
He smiled. “I definitely do.”  
“And as said,” she gave a little smirk before continuing, “you like my ass.”  
This time the answer came a little later, but it came. “I do,” he whispered with a husky voice as his hand again started moving up and down her back, and the feeling of being worshipped settled down in her again.  
“So, for the last time, truth or dare?” She said, trying not to let the shakes of pleasure that ran continuously through her body, ruin the challenging sound of her voice.  
“Dare,” he answered. Good, exactly what she wanted.  
She placed her hands around his neck again before she started rocking against the already hard bulge beneath the thin fabric of his boxers.  
“I dare you to lose your virginity to me.” There. There it was. She had said it, it was out. She was full-on aware that he could still back out by now, but she also knew that if he didn’t, she definitely wouldn’t back out herself.  
He looked her in the eyes with a piercing gaze, she was immediately trapped in them. Nothing in that moment could tear her away from him.  
“Dare accepted.” His whispering voice filled her ears as he started to touch her again.  
Before she had to close her eyes in sheer pleasure, she noticed how his eyes almost glowed as they traveled down her chest.  
Next thing she felt was his hands, sliding further down, beneath her panties to massage her. Even though the fabric worked as a vague boundary, she could feel her own fluids wetting everything it that area. It was almost too much, the man was entirely inexperienced, and yet he managed to turn her on more than she had ever been. As he got more and more confident with his hands, he started to move his lips to hers. Ever so gently, they touched each other, it wasn’t a kiss, they were just trailing their open mouths against the other’s. But it became too much for Natasha, and she let her lips wrap softly but tightly around his before forcing his mouth open, playing with his tongue with her own.  
She unwillingly had to break the kiss, but knowing what was in front of her, she didn’t worry about it for one second.  
Let’s see if the serum enhanced every inch of this piece of art we call a body... she thought to herself before she let her hand go down under the hem of his boxers, and it released a slight gasp from his lips as she started to work on him. She let her mouth run down his body, feeling every inch of hot skin she touched on her way.  
His boxers were quickly out of the way, and he kicked them off and they joined their other clothes on the floor.  
“Jesus, Natasha,” he said between hitched breaths as she started licking the tip. The tugs came rapidly on her hair when she went all the way down.  
His breath quickly got replaced by louder and louder moans as she felt him unravel beneath her touch.  
“Feels really good, Nat, God, feels so good...” he managed to get out between his sighs.  
Nat hadn’t expected him to last as long as he did, but she guessed the serum had fiddled with his stamina too, and when he finally did come it was with a tight grip around her curls and a deep groan in his mouth.  
His eyes were still closed when she unwrapped her lips from his length, and she moved her body back onto his as he breathed out deeply.  
“Oh god, Nat, fuck...”  
“Language, Steve, for God’s sake!”  
He let out the last heavy breaths before he was able to open his eyes to look at her, and when he did it was with the confidence and self esteem that always oozed off of him.  
“Sorry, not sorry,” he smirked, and suddenly out of the blue he turned them both around.  
“You know what you’re doing?” she asked.  
“Well, no,” he said, slightly chuckling, “you’ll kind of have to guide me.”  
“Gladly,” she let har hands run through his hair and wrapped her legs around him as they picked up the kiss again. His hands slowly started exploring her chest but one of them quickly traveled further down and she gasped into his mouth when he reached her inner thighs.  
He looked her briefly in the eyes as if he asked if he was doing the right thing, and she just nodded and grabbed his hand to place it directly between her legs, and she had to gasp again as his fingertips slid tenderly against the soft spot. They both trembled against the touch of each other, Nat out of plain arousal, Steve out of plain fear and insecurity from what he might or might not do. He sighed and moved the hand back to her thigh.  
“Steve, no...” she started, almost ready to beg him to continue what they had both started.  
“Nat, it’s not that, I just... what if I’m completely terrible?”  
“You can’t be.” She had so many things she wanted to say to him, they were all crowding in her throat. First of all, she just knew he couldn’t be bad at this kind of thing, not when he was like that. How could she put it, well equipped. Secondly, when being with her, you would have to be really, really bad before it could be classified as a poor night.  
“You can’t be bad when it’s with me,” she said as she moved his hand back to where she had put it, and he instinctively started moving his fingers in a circle against her warmth, it forced her to take a couple of deep breaths before she could continue.  
“It’s not that hard, you know. You could see it as a dance, or like a fight if you want. Just relax, let your first intentions tell you what to do. And if you’re still completely clueless, let for God’s sake me tell you what to do. As I said, it’s not that big of a deal.”  
At that comment, his hand stopped and he spoke up with a determined voice.  
“You know I don’t agree to that-“  
“Whatever, it’s not the point, Steve.”  
“Then what is the point?” He sighed and buried his head between her breasts, as his fingers slowly started working on her again.  
“Being the complete death of me?” He finished his sentence with a muffled voice from down there.  
“Oh, Steve, you idiot. The point is to let go.” He raised his head again and she looked him directly in the eyes with a serious expression. “But it doesn’t always have to be anything. It’s mostly just for fun. But I know you want this.” She placed a hand under his chin and drew his face to hers again and he kissed her back when she wrapped her lips softly around his again. “I know I want this,” she said.  
“So what is ‘this’?” he dared to ask.  
She thought a long time about that one. In one way it was comforting. Steve was hurt; she was helping. Drawing his thoughts away from everything that haunted him right now. It was also an act of unexpected lust. Desire. She had no idea what she should expect from this night when she got his message earlier. It was definitely nothing like this. Not that she complained.  
“For now... it’s just release. You’re my friend, and I don’t take that lightly. Although it could seem like it doesn’t, this means a lot to me.”  
“So you’re just my emotional support partner-in-crime?”  
She nodded with a smirk, and his grab around her got tighter as his fingers again slowly worked their way to the warm spot between her thighs. “Now... I dared you, Rogers. Don’t pull away now,” she finished with a deep breath.  
He bit his lip, and finally let a finger sink into her, deeply and gently. Her hips bucked against his touch, hungry for more, but just as she was about to reach down and guide him further, his movements steadied.  
“And what if I do pull away?”  
“Seriously, Rogers?”  
“I might-“  
“We all know you can’t stop. No matter how hard you try.”  
He smirked at her, and his eyes said: ‘You know me better than I do myself’, but his voice told her otherwise.  
“I want to hear you beg for it. Beg me, Nat.”  
His voice was nothing more than a whisper, and so was hers when her answer came with a slight sigh and an evident eye-roll.  
“I beg you... to shut the hell up and fuck me, Rogers.”

“That’s better, much better...” he said, satisfied while his fingers started moving again.  
As he let another finger join the first, he kissed the sensitive skin of her body all the way down. He could feel the muscles under his lips, he knew what they could do. What she could do. And as he thought more and more about her, what she had done, he came to the conclusion to describe her as amazing. Nothing less, nothing more. This body was able to fight, fight better than anyone he had ever known. And it had never lost. But now he knew so much more of what she was capable of. It probably wouldn’t seem as much, but he valued every single touch, every single look. The way she felt as his fingers curled inside her, the way she tasted as his tongue explored her, the way his name sounded between moans on her lips as his touch brought her to the brink.  
Being this close to her, feeling her skin against his, that alone was arousing enough for him. As she started to tighten around his fingers and tongue, the overwhelm was almost too much for him. He was already hard just at the sight of her face; eyes closed, mouth open moaning out in the pleasure he gave to her, hand gripped tightly around the linen underneath them. It was only her, her, her, he could see nothing else.  
As much as he wanted to continue, as much as the sound of her hitched breaths encouraged him to continue, she interrupted him.  
“Steve,” she said as he sucked a hickey on her thigh as if he wanted to mark her as his; almost like you would write your name on a certain location followed by “was here”; to indicate that he had indeed been there. Or, was about to be there.  
“Get back up here,” Natasha said.  
He chose to oblige to her (as if he had any other option) considering she was the one in charge.  
When he was above her again, careful not to let his weight crush down on her, their lips met hazily once again.  
“Nervous?” she asked whispering, when he seemed to hesitate with his touch. He smiled. Every single second he was next to her, every single spark between their skin when they touched just the lightest, every single thing about her made him nervous. But not for this, more like... just in general. He was determined now, and that’s more than he could’ve said about himself just minutes ago. He was still not experienced yet, but he didn’t lack the courage anymore. He just figured it was a necessary thing to be nervous at your first time. And to top it all off, it was with her.  
No wonder, Steve, no wonder, he said to himself.  
“No, not particularly. Well, a little... maybe...”  
She chuckled softly at his confused being, but then reached for his mouth once more and softly guided his body and movements before reaching down between them. She gave him a few strokes before she looked him in eyes again. Her gaze said so many things in that moment and he saw all the feelings behind the simple question they asked; ‘Okay?’  
Her eyes glowed with desire. She wanted him. And it was obvious that the lust wasn’t a new thing for her, he could see in her eyes that she had thought about it for a long time. He had to admit, so had he. He nodded. ‘Yes, okay.’

She guided him in, slowly all the way. She acted like the slow rate was for him because he had to get used to the idea of sex, but it was just as much for her own purpose, considering the size of him. It was incomparable; he filled her like no one else had ever done. Even the first seconds where he wasn’t even moving it was like a drug for her. She adjusted a little, just to prepare herself vaguely for what was to come. He was the only thing she saw, the only thing she felt when she wrapped her legs around him as he started carefully sliding in and out of her. The pace was slow and tender; she found it incredibly hot.  
He was just as she had imagined, slow and caressing, but hit her just right with every thrust. Her moans came more and more frequently in sync with him as he sped up, and their mouths crashed together once again.

The feeling was overwhelming, he had never experienced anything like this. Like her. She felt so incredibly good as he felt her parts clenching around his cock, drawing him with her in her climax. She cried out when she came, almost at the same time he released himself inside of her. He couldn’t think, his mind was blank apart from Natasha, Natasha, Natasha...  
He gave a few last thrusts, still with her whole body in shudder beneath him, and they steadied in that position for a brief moment, just breathing the same air. Listening to each other’s ragged breaths, still both feeling the excitement that had rushed through them as they had moved together.  
He watched her, the slightly messy, red locks formed a halo around her head. He couldn’t stand just one quick glance at her mouth, lips apart as the air rushed through her, before he let his own lips meet them in a lazy but so meaningful kiss. Her hands tugged at her hair, her arms tangled around his neck in an iron grip, as if she would never let him go. And if she chose to keep him like this, there was nothing to be done. He would be stuck with her, only able to escape if she let him. But he gladly remained by her side, it wasn’t even a choice for him. She had him right where she wanted, and she knew it. He was sure of that.  
“You’re so beautiful. Have I ever told you that?” he asked her, caressingly letting his hand entangle in her hair.  
“Don’t think you have.”  
“A crime,” he said as he collapsed beside her. “Now you know. You’re gorgeous, Natasha. And that was amazing, you know that, right?”  
He continued talking while he let his thumb stroke her chin as she softly smiled and he let his lips brush against hers once again. “You were amazing, Nat. You’re amazing.”  
“Let’s hope this won’t be our first, last and best time.”  
“While I can’t believe it’ll be our last time, it’s kind of hard to imagine anything better than this.”  
“Oh, Steve, dear,” she smirked. “So inexperienced.”  
He just smiled. “Well, I’ll look forward to whatever you have in mind.”  
“Haha, yeah-“  
“No, seriously. Thank you, Nat.”  
“For what?”  
“For being here and there for me when no one else is. Whether they don’t care, they’re unable to, some are even dead, it still doesn’t change the fact that they aren’t here. I’ve never had a person consistently by my side, not before you. But you are that person to me.”

At his words, she realised just how much they actually meant to each other. It almost made her tear up, because she had neither had the same trust in a person like this. Her friendship with Clint meant the world to her and she wouldn’t be able to stand it if she lost him, but it was still something else than this.  
She had so many things she wanted to say to him in that moment, but words often frightened her, so she just slid her hands through his hair before drawing him into her arms, she embraced him and his words. She accepted them. And it eventually gave her the strength to talk herself.  
“You know I’ll always be.”


	2. a thousand times enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s chapter two! i hope the wait wasn’t too long, and i think i might have the audacity to say that it’s worth the wait. this is probably one of the works i’m the most satisfied with, so i really hope you enjoy it!!

It was dark. Almost like the night consumed him as he stared out the hotel window. Everything and everyone that had ever been taken away from him were running through his mind. No, not running, more like sauntering. Slowly, painfully. Bringing every memory with. Nothing could get to him as he stood there. If the world had collapsed around him, he wouldn’t have noticed the slightest. It was only when warm hands found their way around his chest and a comforting body pressed against his, that Steve broke out of the almost trancelike state he had been in.  
Natasha’s hands slowly moved further down his arms until she reached his palms. Their fingers found each other and automatically intertwined. It made a spark run through Steve’s body. A spark of colour in the dark that the room was bathed in.  
He didn’t know for how long they actually stood there, but he knew that every single moment was like a relief for him. He finally found the strength in him to turn around and face her. He hadn’t been crying, he was just feeling empty inside. As if that wasn’t enough.  
He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but Nat just let her thumb slide gently over his lips.  
“Don’t,” she whispered, and he nodded once. It was easier like that. After all. She didn’t say more than that one word, she wasn’t the big talker, they were both aware of that. But her gaze said everything that neither Steve nor Natasha could put into words. The pain in her eyes showed him just how much she cared for him. The wetness that gathered along her lash-line told him just how much it broke her to see him like this.  
And it helped.  
God, it helped. Just to know that she cared. Even just having her there in his arms, feeling the warmth of her skin against his made him forget every bad thing that had been drifting through his thoughts. He couldn’t see anything but her, her, her. It was almost like they were the only two people in the world.  
They had both lost everyone and everything.  
Tony. Their mutual friend, now close to nothing to either of them. Less to Steve than Nat, but she was still in serious trouble too.  
Bucky. At least he was safe, but God, how much had they both been through. If the Wakandans were able to piece his mind back together, they would both be in a debt to them that could never be paid back. The thought of Bucky’s mind maybe, just maybe, being clean again was the only think keeping him sane.  
Apart from Natasha, he realised. God, what would he do without her. Always being there to pull him out of the dark, at least he hoped she would be there, now and in the future. He wanted her to... No, more than that. He needed her to.  
He lowered his head until their foreheads rested against each other.  
“I never got to say properly thank you. For what you did at the airport.”  
She was silent for a little while. “Well, I guess you can consider the debt paid. I owed you, remember?”  
“Of course I remember,” he smiled. They were almost as close to each other as they could possibly be, but it wasn’t enough for either of them. She tilted her head back making their lips get closer and closer for every moment. His fingers traced along her jawline, settling on her chin before he let their mouths meet. The touch was soft, gentle, and it sent sparks through every fibre of his body.  
She drew a little away after a moment, just enough so he got the message. It didn’t suit him though, he needed more, more, more, but he would have to do with the feeling of their lips still brushing against each other as she spoke.  
“Come back to bed?”  
He nodded, almost not noticeable. As they laid there side by side, hands absently caressing each other.  
He wasn’t okay, but he was a thousand times better than before. Her touch, her presence, her kiss helped more than anything else could ever fathom to. He moved to kiss her again, still with all those feelings behind his mouth.  
“Sorry,” he whispered and a little smile shortly decorated his face. “It helps. Kissing you.”  
“It’s okay, Steve, it is,” she assured him, but she couldn’t resist turning her voice a little away from all the seriousness to a slightly teasing tone. “I’ll always be there for you if you need help, then.”  
“Oh, so you’re saying I’m a good kisser? Should I take that as a complement?”  
“You definitely should.” She smirked, glad that he was loosening up. “Did you practice since last time?”  
“Nat, for the sake of... No, I did not!”  
She lifted her brows in disbelief.  
“Well, I kissed Sharon once?”  
“Yeah, we already talked about that.”  
“We did.”  
Their gazes turned quite serious again, and they stared right into each other’s eyes before they met in a kiss again. This time it was more raw; filled with need. He needed her to push away all the thoughts in his head, and she was just more than happy to be of help. It was now, in this moment as Natasha moved to straddle his lap and they had shredded each other of underwear, that it dawned on him just how much her words had meant.  
I’ll always be there for you if you need help, then.  
He had taken it kind of as a joke, but it was a promise. Behind all the seductiveness, it meant so much more. And it only made him deepen their kiss as he realised.  
Her legs were hooked around his hips, his arms wrapped around her tight as he pulled her further into his lap and slid into her. She started rocking with his moves, and it dawned on him why sex and making love was two so different things. This time they mapped each other’s skin more thoroughly, they took turns kissing every single scar, every little mark on the other’s body, they even added a fair share of more marks as their lips explored one another.  
The purpose wasn’t to bring the other to climax, they just needed to be close. Laying in the same bed against each other, pressing their lips together countless times. Nothing was enough, except for this kind of closeness. Even if it wasn’t intentional, they both came in the end, lips lingered over each other, breath deep and fast. What else would you expect from people with a sex drive like ours, he thought to himself.  
They laid there, bodies entirely intertwined with each other as they came down, catching their breaths.  
God, I will never get enough of this. Enough of her. The pace of her breath, hot and ragged. The soft sounds she made when they moved together. The feeling of being inside her as they both satisfied their needs. It all made him come to the conclusion that he could not ever get enough of this woman that was Natasha Romanoff. And God, how grateful he was that she was in his arms at this exact moment.  
He made a wish, that she would always be there, and he promised he would do everything in his power to keep her there. And it was more than just a silent promise to himself, it was also a promise to her. That he would never leave her side.  
She smiled. “About Germany. I only did what was right, and quite frankly, so do you, always.”  
“Can’t argue about that one. I do a lot of things because I believe they’re right. Sometimes I make mistakes though, we all do.” He hesitated a little. Nat just waited patiently for him while keeping his eyes locked with hers.  
“And sometimes I do certain things, but seemingly can’t find a reason,” he finished.  
“What things?” Nat dug.  
He tenderly brought her face back to his, planting a soft kiss on her lips. Her mouth welcomed his, languidly wrapping her lips around his.  
“This, for example. Of course I know it’s right,” He shortly paused, and they smiled simultaneously. “But I don’t do it because I feel like it’s right. I just...” He lowered his eyes. “It’s hard to explain.”  
“Try,” she demanded.  
He had to think a lot about that one, but his mind kept circling around the same answer so that was what he settled for, even though he was not sure what reaction it would draw from Natasha.  
“Let’s just say there’s a lot of things I wouldn’t do if you weren’t here.”  
Her smile reached all the way to her eyes, the bright green glowed with joy at his words. It made a smile bright up his face too, but it quickly vanished again when her’s started to fade.  
“But Steve... I’m just not enough.”  
“Nat.” His piercing eyes was pooling with pain again, it killed him to see her denying herself like that. He smiled softly and let his thumb caressingly slide up and down her cheek. “Please don’t blame yourself, you’re enough to me. You’ve never hurt me, I know you couldn’t. Not physically, nor mentally.”  
“But I could. You know how Clint was sent to kill me, but instead invited me in. What if he wasn’t even sent? What if I was still an assassin? Don’t you think they would’ve sent me to kill- to kill you... at some point?”  
Steve didn’t know exactly what to think about how hard it had been for her to put the possibility of her causing his death into words. He just smiled comfortingly.  
“Remember when we talked to Zola? I saved your life, because that was right. What else could I have done? And you insisted that you owe me. And you asked me if I would trust you with my life. And I did, I still do, as I always will. All the if’s doesn’t matter to me, what could’ve been doesn’t matter to me. Only what is. And having you right here with me, knowing that we would both lay our life in each other’s hands is enough for me. You are enough for me. You’re enough, a thousand times enough.” He softly laid his lips against her forehead, and she closed her eyes and leaned in to meet his touch. “Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”  
Her eyes were watery when she opened them again, swimming with emotion. “Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you.”  
“Always,” he promised.  
They laid there for a minute or two, just taking it all in. Accepting each other and all that came with it. Not just the sex, which was more than amazing, but all the promises. Which brought him back to what he had thought about earlier.  
He chose to talk to her about it.  
“Nat?”  
“Hmn?” She turned her eyes to him, and it was suddenly like someone had tied a knot on his tongue. He brought himself to speak anyways.  
“I thought about something. I realised that I never wanted you to leave.” He gulped and convinced himself to include every single one of the words in his head.  
“And not just because of the sex, which I wouldn’t give up for anything in the world right now...” That brought a smug grin to her face saying ‘I really am that good, huh,’. He smiled back and continued. “And I wished that you wouldn’t ever leave. I also promised to you that I won’t leave either if I am given the choice. Lastly I promised to myself that I will do everything in my power to keep you by my side.”  
“Oh, Steve-“  
She was suddenly completely out of words. Of course she would meet all his wishes and promises, if she just knew how to. So many sentences circulated around in her head, still she couldn’t find the strength to speak any of them. She realised that showing him had to do the trick for now, so she lowered her mouth to meet his again. Sparks shot through her body at the touch, and he kissed her back. God, he kissed her back. It dawned on her that this was their way of finding comfort and acceptance in each other. And she finally found it in her to speak as their lips parted again.  
“I promise. Everything. I will stay, and I will have everything that comes with it. Closeness, mentally and physically, problems, mentally and physically, memories, mentally and physically,” she let her thumb lightly brush over the faded scar in the corner of his mouth, the one he had earned in the fight on the Insight Helicarriers, before she continued.  
“You’re enough for me, and I’m enough for you.”  
His smile was wider than ever when she finished her speech, he was so proud of her. Saying things like this out loud was one of the hardest, if not the hardest thing to do for her, and she had done it amazingly. He now knew she was his, and that he was hers and that meant nothing less than everything to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that was it xD
> 
> i would be really happy if you’d leave a little comment, as said, i’m v happy with this piece :’)
> 
> oh- and i’m seeing endgame in five days, i tHINK I MIGHT DIE- whatever,, happy endgame week! till next time :’))


End file.
